There will never be enough words in the dictionary to describe how I am feeling this morning. I can’t even bring myself to eat as my stomach is in a knot. I’m sitting down now and just pinning my thoughts down, hopefully in an attempt to find a little more peace. Hopefully God will hear me and this will serve as a prayer.
I discovered on Thursday morning that the woman I love hurt herself and if that wasn’t a big enough blow, I heard she is in a coma and only has a low survival rate should she wake up.
I don’t think anyone could ever be prepared for such news. I’m still in a perpetual state of shock. It has left me completely helpless, I find myself sitting bunched up in a little ball with my head on my knees.. just crying.
I’m a wreck, I’m worried, sad, angry, confused. How did I not see this coming. I should have helped her!
I’ve been praying for a miracle God. I’m sure You know I can’t handle losing her too…. Not her… Please….
I always believed that somewhere in some way You would bring us together, I believed that you set us out on this path.
I guess I just really wanted her to see that I was serious about her and I was hoping that I could convince her to give us a chance. I just wanted a future with her because there is no one like her, she’s a one in a million kind of woman and I truly love her.
I don’t believe I always made it easier for her, I acknowledge that. I have been guilty of putting her under too much pressure at times.
I now feel like I did this to her detriment and that is something I need to live with.
Right now my soul feels dark and empty. I miss her. I’d give anything to turn back the clock. I should have handled situations better, I tried to tell her how I feel but I think it came out the wrong way, I should have supported her more. There is a lot I should have done differently and for that I am very sorry.
Please Lord take her hand and pull her through… She has a little girl who adores her. Please don’t let this little girl grow up without a mother. I know she was just overwhelmed and in so much emotional pain, she probably couldn’t see a way forward but most if not all of that pain was thrust on her and she doesn’t deserve to die. So please, I’m asking you with every little bit of energy I can and muster and with tearful eyes. Please, please, please let her wake up and please let her health return back to normal.
I know I am asking for a lot – You could even cut my life short but please let her live and give her the peace she needs to be happy.
Today, I will write a message to her, put it into a bottle and throw it into the sea. Who know’s it may take 100 years before someone finds it but when they do they will stop and say: “Hey you know what, he really loved and adored this woman” and hopefully they will shed a tear. Real love is eternal.