It is what it is…

People always say that love is complicated and it actually annoys me when I hear someone say that. No, love isn’t complicated at all. It’s easy to love someone. It just sucks when the things you do go unnoticed and when you are rejected. I’m learning that you can’t make someone love you, just because you are deeply in love with someone, doesn’t mean they feel the same way about you. Yes it sucks but you can’t force someone to love you. I still beleive if someone truly loves you, they won’t make excuses and they will make an effort to be with you.Equally though, you can’t force yourself to stop loving someone if you truly do. Urgh… it’s sad actually, what does it take for two people to be together? I just don’t know anymore.

Just another day

Why does the truth always escape me so?

Is honesty really that hard to find?

And maybe if I wasn’t so blinded by love

I would have a clear mind

Because the signals got crossed along the way

And all communication seized

As I saw another dream go up in flames

I could feel my heart start to bleed

I wish that I could find some magic medicine

But it’s so hard to find

Something that would help me see the truth

And clear the cobwebs in my mind

JV

:*(

Why should you be hurt this way? Why are you lying in hospital again. Please wake up, this can’t be the end. My heart is breaking. It never should have been like this. I miss you, I love you. Please can I hear you voice again. Please this cant be the end. I’m crying… I’m losing control I don’t want to be here without you.

Never get over you

I would never hurt you this way

I wouldn’t even try

Sometimes I just can’t find the words to say

I will forever wonder why

You had to hurt yourself today

And all I can do is cry

Sadly you can never see that I’m not walking away

No I never gave up on you

And there are many reasons why

I will never get over you

I can’t seem to prove to you over these many miles

that this is something beautiful

I think you turn away because you still feel the pain

From those who betrayed you previously

I know you feel everything with such intensity

I never said goodbye or that I hated you

And there are many reasons why

I will never get over you

I’m still patiently waiting for the day

where I can feel you close to me

And how badly I wish you could believe in us

or find meaning in these words so true

Like the time I said I loved and wanted to marry you.

I will never get over you.

JV…

Every day

Every morning when I wake up, I fall in love with you all over again. It’s beautiful. There is no denying what I feel for you, I’ve found the one who makes me happy and whom I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love you so much. You are undoubtedly the woman for me. I wouldn’t trade you for anything. You are and will always be the love of my life. 

Its hard to know what to believe sometimes when someone’s actions contradict their words. It however reminds me that I am not in control of anyone else’s actions and the best that I can do is continue to be myself and love without question. I will never change, I will always love abundantly, see the best in people, miss them deeply and continue to hope that one day my efforts have not gone in vain.

I believe in being honest about my intentions and feelings even if it makes people uncomfortable. I believe in telling the truth and being open and transparent even if I run the risk of being pushed away and rejected. I have nothing to hide and live my life in a moral way. I only wish to be remembered as a kind and loving man who did his best to make others happy. I have no desire to hurt, cheat, judge or break down any bodies character. I know without fail that I will live my life with integrity and respect for others.

It does not mean that I don’t make mistakes or have insecurities, it only means that I will continue to be the best man I can be even if it means that I’m alienated.

My Prayer

There will never be enough words in the dictionary to describe how I am feeling this morning. I can’t even bring myself to eat as my stomach is in a knot. I’m sitting down now and just pinning my thoughts down, hopefully in an attempt to find a little more peace. Hopefully God will hear me and this will serve as a prayer.

I discovered on Thursday morning that the woman I love hurt herself and if that wasn’t a big enough blow, I heard she is in a coma and only has a low survival rate should she wake up.

I don’t think anyone could ever be prepared for such news. I’m still in a perpetual state of shock. It has left me completely helpless, I find myself sitting bunched up in a little ball with my head on my knees.. just crying.

I’m a wreck, I’m worried, sad, angry, confused. How did I not see this coming. I should have helped her!

I’ve been praying for a miracle God. I’m sure You know I can’t handle losing her too…. Not her… Please….

I always believed that somewhere in some way You would bring us together, I believed that you set us out on this path.

I guess I just really wanted her to see that I was serious about her and I was hoping that I could convince her to give us a chance. I just wanted a future with her because there is no one like her, she’s a one in a million kind of woman and I truly love her.

I don’t believe I always made it easier for her, I acknowledge that. I have been guilty of putting her under too much pressure at times.

I now feel like I did this to her detriment and that is something I need to live with.

Right now my soul feels dark and empty. I miss her. I’d give anything to turn back the clock. I should have handled situations better, I tried to tell her how I feel but I think it came out the wrong way, I should have supported her more. There is a lot I should have done differently and for that I am very sorry.

Please Lord take her hand and pull her through… She has a little girl who adores her. Please don’t let this little girl grow up without a mother. I know she was just overwhelmed and in so much emotional pain, she probably couldn’t see a way forward but most if not all of that pain was thrust on her and she doesn’t deserve to die. So please, I’m asking you with every little bit of energy I can and muster and with tearful eyes. Please, please, please let her wake up and please let her health return back to normal.

I know I am asking for a lot – You could even cut my life short but please let her live and give her the peace she needs to be happy.

Today, I will write a message to her, put it into a bottle and throw it into the sea. Who know’s it may take 100 years before someone finds it but when they do they will stop and say: “Hey you know what, he really loved and adored this woman” and hopefully they will shed a tear. Real love is eternal.

 

2