Last entry

One of the saddest things that can happen is when you lose your best friend. It takes so much time to build a relationship and establish a good connection. I’ve however learned that you can’t make anyone stay against their will. The old adage applies here, if someone truly wanted to be in your life they would be. I know complaining will never make it any better but I just feel it’s unfair, life’s unfair I guess. I would have given her a beautiful life.

How do relationships survive? Mine have always failed.I’ve come to doubt myself, I don’t believe I’m a very good judge of character. It seems like everyone around me has found someone to love and here I am pushing 40 and I’m nowhere close to settling down. Serves me right for pursuing a married woman. I should of known better.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve done my best. Maybe I’m just not destined for marraige.

It is what it is…

People always say that love is complicated and it actually annoys me when I hear someone say that. No, love isn’t complicated at all. It’s easy to love someone. It just sucks when the things you do go unnoticed and when you are rejected. I’m learning that you can’t make someone love you, just because you are deeply in love with someone, doesn’t mean they feel the same way about you. Yes it sucks but you can’t force someone to love you. I still beleive if someone truly loves you, they won’t make excuses and they will make an effort to be with you.Equally though, you can’t force yourself to stop loving someone if you truly do. Urgh… it’s sad actually, what does it take for two people to be together? I just don’t know anymore.

Just another day

Why does the truth always escape me so?

Is honesty really that hard to find?

And maybe if I wasn’t so blinded by love

I would have a clear mind

Because the signals got crossed along the way

And all communication seized

As I saw another dream go up in flames

I could feel my heart start to bleed

I wish that I could find some magic medicine

But it’s so hard to find

Something that would help me see the truth

And clear the cobwebs in my mind

JV

:*(

Why should you be hurt this way? Why are you lying in hospital again. Please wake up, this can’t be the end. My heart is breaking. It never should have been like this. I miss you, I love you. Please can I hear you voice again. Please this cant be the end. I’m crying… I’m losing control I don’t want to be here without you.

Never get over you

I would never hurt you this way

I wouldn’t even try

Sometimes I just can’t find the words to say

I will forever wonder why

You had to hurt yourself today

And all I can do is cry

Sadly you can never see that I’m not walking away

No I never gave up on you

And there are many reasons why

I will never get over you

I can’t seem to prove to you over these many miles

that this is something beautiful

I think you turn away because you still feel the pain

From those who betrayed you previously

I know you feel everything with such intensity

I never said goodbye or that I hated you

And there are many reasons why

I will never get over you

I’m still patiently waiting for the day

where I can feel you close to me

And how badly I wish you could believe in us

or find meaning in these words so true

Like the time I said I loved and wanted to marry you.

I will never get over you.

JV…

Every day

Every morning when I wake up, I fall in love with you all over again. It’s beautiful. There is no denying what I feel for you, I’ve found the one who makes me happy and whom I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love you so much. You are undoubtedly the woman for me. I wouldn’t trade you for anything. You are and will always be the love of my life. 

Its hard to know what to believe sometimes when someone’s actions contradict their words. It however reminds me that I am not in control of anyone else’s actions and the best that I can do is continue to be myself and love without question. I will never change, I will always love abundantly, see the best in people, miss them deeply and continue to hope that one day my efforts have not gone in vain.

I believe in being honest about my intentions and feelings even if it makes people uncomfortable. I believe in telling the truth and being open and transparent even if I run the risk of being pushed away and rejected. I have nothing to hide and live my life in a moral way. I only wish to be remembered as a kind and loving man who did his best to make others happy. I have no desire to hurt, cheat, judge or break down any bodies character. I know without fail that I will live my life with integrity and respect for others.

It does not mean that I don’t make mistakes or have insecurities, it only means that I will continue to be the best man I can be even if it means that I’m alienated.